I've been off work for about two weeks, and it doesn't seem to have slowed down much yet. Sherryl has been working lots, and I've had a few meetings with different people to sort out what has happened in the last month. I also had coffe with a local pastor who represents an organization with a job opening. I don't want to say any more than that right now, but wee'll see what happens. I've been looking after the kids a lot, which is good, but definitely not what I'm used to on a regular basis. Other than that, not much has changed yet. I haven't been bored, although I can forsee a time when I'll want to tackle some more indepth projects than just cleaning out the storage room (which I have not yet completed). I want to read more and hopefully write a little too, whether that be poetry, prose, or music.
There are a lot of questions I have about what happened at the church that put me out of a job. They have told me that it was not performance related, and I believe that to be true. However, there are many things that don't add up in my own mind, and I fear that I'll never understand all that went on behind closed doors that led to my being let go. My friends and family have been very understanding and supportive, and they don't 'get it' either. I think a lot of politics and personal agendas were involoved, and maybe that's just the way it goes. Somehow, though, I believe that there are other ways, other expectations I can have about how churches run that are not impossible. This I can say, however. I learned much and grew much in the last four years. I am so much more healthy thatn I was when I came to Lakeview. That is not because I was working in a church. Infact, it was working in another church that brought me to doubting who I was. Rather, I was fortunate enough to have a group of people around me that believed in me and supported me through all the growing pains.
I feel like I am a little behind where I could have been I I had lived a life of steady spiritual growth, but I also know that the things I have gone through have helped me be more able to help others who are going through what I did. There have been a few people who say I have handled the last 6 weeks graciously, but I honestly had nothing to do with that. God has not given up on me, and is changing me, and that is why I am not really scared about what I'll be doing in a year. I so often do not have the strength to hod on to God's hand, but I know that he will never let go of me, and that is a very freeing idea.