Life in the Medium/Fast Lane
It's been a a while since I was last here. These unannounced breaks happen every so often, not by conscious choice, but as a result of not feeling like I have anything significant to say. I'm still here, alive and kicking at the darkness til it's bleeds daylight. (Thanks, Brian, for the reminder.)
Life has been strange lately. I have been thinking a lot about church, and my lack of involvement in it. On February 22 it was a year since I was let go from Lakeview, and I've gone through phases that range from forgiveness to indifference and anger. Right now I'm in the latter stage, and I feel like a boat adrift on the water. I thought that I had a few things figured out 18 months ago, and that is gone now. I am still trying to find my place in this new job as commuity chaplain, and not feeling connected to any church body at all. I wish this wasn't the case, but it is. There are a few people from Lakeview tht I still connect well with, and our kids like it there, so we call it our church home. Lakeivew is in the middle of a huge building project that is exciting, but taking up much of the thought and energy of the leaders there. They are an evangelistic church, and put much emphasis on drawing people in who don't know much about God or a relationship with Him. My concern has been that there is no place for them to go after they've been around for a couple of years and are looking to dig deeper and explore this new kingdon they have entered. I'm not sure what will happen there with this seeming unbalance. I still try and do what I can, as do a number of others, but it seems to be too little, or not heard.
My position as Community Chaplan is fairly new to Saskatoon, and there is not a lot of structure. I know that there is the expectation that much of my connection needs to come from the local church body that I am involved with, but, as you can see, there's not a lot of that right now. So...I putz along and try and do what I can for the men who are getting out of prison. All this is tough to do without some kind of community anchor.
I helped out with the Alpha retreat weekend on Friday and Saturday. It was wierd to be in that place with those responsibilitites again, as I used to be in charge of that area at the church. The weekend went well, and it was good to connect with a few people that I hadn't seen in the last year.
Every day I think about what I can contribute to the body of Christ. Writing? Music? Leading in some way? These thoughts weigh on me, and I have no outlet right now to be creative and give my opinion on things. There have been times in the past when it seemed that no one wanted to here my thoughts. I don't mean to complain, but that's the way it is these days.
...Olympics...sad that they're over; I love watching, and there are so many inspiring people and stories
That's all I have in this moment. Appreciate your prayers over the above thoughts. I'll be back soon.